Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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