Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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