apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
