I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
