the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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