I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
