Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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