I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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