My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
