margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
