You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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