first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
