do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
