She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
