what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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