life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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