the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
