no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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