i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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