she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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