Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
