I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
