The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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