you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
