If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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