Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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