I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
