So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
