Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
