the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
