hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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