Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize