Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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