Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
