a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
