The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
