time to smoke my breakfast
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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