My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
