Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
