We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
