You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
