He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
