Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
