Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
