Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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