how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
