If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
