No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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