when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
