um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
