Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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