The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
