Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
