So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
