It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
