Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
