From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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