my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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