You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize