We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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