I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize