I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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