I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
